Coming to the End of Yourself

I have been going through it. I know many of you have as well. It is a new, challenging, and scary time we are now living in, without the normal struggles that each of us face.
I have let the weight of my troubles, fears, and worries take me to a dark place. It was never my intention as I’ve always always tried to dig deep, despite my circumstances, and fight my way through. I became tired. I am tired. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Exhausted. Drained. Empty. No energy left to fight, regardless of wanting to. No longer able to choose my way out of feeling bad. Not even enough energy to reach out and tell someone how difficult things had become.
It had all just become TOO. MUCH.
That is a scary place to find yourself in. Thankfully, God used someone to speak some things to and over me that I desperately needed to hear.
That being said; my troubles haven’t disappeared and there are still things I’m terribly worried about. I still feel much like I described above. But, words of encouragement and truth spoken over me created a spark of hope. Now, I can hold onto that spark and add a little bit of fuel. Hope says, get ready because there is about to be a fire. **God has more to show me about that so I’ll leave it at that, for now.
Fear is a liar. It can be so difficult to have faith for what you can’t yet see, especially in the middle of the storms, but God has you. Speak those things that are not as though they are. Bury God’s Word and promises in your heart and declare them over yourself, in His name.
And PLEASE. ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ If you are struggling. If you are feeling alone. If you are feeling hopeless. If you feel like you have no fight left. PLEASE. Tell someone. Don’t allow fear of any kind to keep you from reaching out to someone. There is NO place that is too far to come back from. There is NO hole too deep to climb out of. There is NO such thing as too dark for light to come through. There is NO place too hidden for God to find you.

Fear says, I will lose everything. Hope says, I will always have enough. Fear says, look at the risk. Hope says, look at the reward. Fear says, it will never work out. Hope says, God works all things together for my good. Fear says, this will ruin my life. Hope says, God can renew and restore. Fear says, I must protect the future. Hope says, God is preparing my future, and nothing can stop Him from giving it to me. Fear says, don’t take another step! Hope says, take your next step of faith. Fear says what if we get hurt. Hope says, what if I can heal a hurt. Fear says, I will be on my own. Hope says God will never leave me alone. Fear says the worst is sure to happen. Hope says, God’s best is on the way. Look past your disaster.
-Jud Wilhite

Published by Joni Roberts

Gotta love the 'About Me' sections of everything. I feel like I'm either in a one sided interview or trying to create a dating profile. "I like starry nights and long walks on the beach" Ha! All jokes aside, it is necessary to share your story. Especially in a place like this where you hope to reach people through your struggles. So here goes everything... Hi everyone 👋🏼 Grief is a journey, an ever changing and painful process. It can isolate you and make you feel more lonely than one could ever imagine. That is why I write and share my story. We need support. We need people that "get it." We need each other. I was married to the love of my life, just shy of 13 years. We went to school together, known him since elementary. He was my "boyfriend" in 5th grade. I even wrote "Joni Roberts" in my notebooks and cheered for him when he played basketball at recess 😂 We came back together when we went to the prom, as friends, our senior year in high school. That was in 1997. We started dating seriously in the summer of 1998. He asked me to be his wife in February of 1999. We said "I do" on October 2nd of the same year. We had our first child in October of 2000, our son. We had our daughter, 22 months later in August of 2002. In the time we were married, we went through more than most could go through in a lifetime. We never gave up on each other. In June of 2012, he and I were in a horrible car accident that claimed his life. In an instant, my entire world was shattered, leaving me a grieving single mother of two grieving children who are now teenagers. I'm walking day by day through life without the one that would be with me forever. I would have never imagined that this is where I would be in my life at 41 years old. But, I am doing everything I can to be strong and to take this grief and use it to fuel the purpose for the rest of my days here on earth. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME. Today: I am in the waiting room for my first neurologist appointment. It is in the same office as my surgeon from the accident. I'm sitting here remembering myself horribly hurt and in a wheelchair and I'm overwhelmed with feelings but mostly reflecting on how far I've come. I love and miss my best friend every single day. I'm positive that won't change until we are together again. I am choosing to try and live my life in a way that would honor him and make him proud. Living With Purpose.

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