The Next Chapter

There are things that I need to do and things I need to finish in order to move forward into the next chapter of my life. I’ve been working hard at this.

One of the most important things that I need to do is proving to be extremely difficult. I need to finish the book that I started several years ago.

Most people would assume (after hearing I’m writing a book) that the idea came to me after losing my husband. I actually felt led to write a book two years prior. I wrote, off and on, up until I got to the point of writing about our accident.

You see, my husband and I went through a lot of trials throughout our marriage; many of which could have ended it. But, we never gave up in each other. That, to me, is a story worth telling; a testimony.

What sort of testimony did I have now?

Here I am, almost 6 years later.

My story isn’t at all what I thought it would be originally. But, I definitely have a story to tell. It’s just a different one.

I have struggled in trying to understand why I haven’t been able to finish, but I think I know now. Finishing the book might just mean the literal finishing of the chapters of the life I once knew. I know in my heart that this could be a very important part of my allowing myself to move forward. As much as I want and need that, the truth is that I’m scared. I want to let go of the the pain, but there is a part of me that holds on out of fear of letting go of him.

I actually wrote on the subject of letting go awhile back. It couldn’t be more relevant than it is now. You can read that post here: Letting Go

I’m going to do this.

I need to do this.

Wish me luck, my blog family.

xoxo Joni

Published by Joni Roberts

Gotta love the 'About Me' sections of everything. I feel like I'm either in a one sided interview or trying to create a dating profile. "I like starry nights and long walks on the beach" Ha! All jokes aside, it is necessary to share your story. Especially in a place like this where you hope to reach people through your struggles. So here goes everything... Hi everyone 👋🏼 Grief is a journey, an ever changing and painful process. It can isolate you and make you feel more lonely than one could ever imagine. That is why I write and share my story. We need support. We need people that "get it." We need each other. I was married to the love of my life, just shy of 13 years. We went to school together, known him since elementary. He was my "boyfriend" in 5th grade. I even wrote "Joni Roberts" in my notebooks and cheered for him when he played basketball at recess 😂 We came back together when we went to the prom, as friends, our senior year in high school. That was in 1997. We started dating seriously in the summer of 1998. He asked me to be his wife in February of 1999. We said "I do" on October 2nd of the same year. We had our first child in October of 2000, our son. We had our daughter, 22 months later in August of 2002. In the time we were married, we went through more than most could go through in a lifetime. We never gave up on each other. In June of 2012, he and I were in a horrible car accident that claimed his life. In an instant, my entire world was shattered, leaving me a grieving single mother of two grieving children who are now teenagers. I'm walking day by day through life without the one that would be with me forever. I would have never imagined that this is where I would be in my life at 41 years old. But, I am doing everything I can to be strong and to take this grief and use it to fuel the purpose for the rest of my days here on earth. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME. Today: I am in the waiting room for my first neurologist appointment. It is in the same office as my surgeon from the accident. I'm sitting here remembering myself horribly hurt and in a wheelchair and I'm overwhelmed with feelings but mostly reflecting on how far I've come. I love and miss my best friend every single day. I'm positive that won't change until we are together again. I am choosing to try and live my life in a way that would honor him and make him proud. Living With Purpose.

71 thoughts on “The Next Chapter

  1. Yes, Joni letting go of the pain we suffer from does not ever mean we let go of our lost loved one. They will be forever with us inside our hearts. I think writing a book about what you two had; and the way things worked out; and what your life has been like for the six years; would be a wonderful real life story to write. There are some great Christian Publishers that would work with you on such a project Joni. These are my thoughts for you my friend and fellow blogger. God bless you and your kids in this new journey. I am here just send me a message Joni. You are not alone not here for sure.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. My dear Joni,

    Yes, I think it will help you to open a new page of your life. It does not mean that you close your inner book with regard to your beloved husband – it is still the same book in which you write with the ink of your life and experiences made. In doing so you go through the past again, you analyse it with the intention to be also of help to many other couples facing troubles in their marriages – this is a good motive indeed and furthermore, you can finish one part of your life and look forward to the next.

    I wish you great success for it.

    From heart to heart

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Sorry for your loss and hope each and every day is filled with love and happiness… you are a intelligent dedicated capable young lady and able to determine your own destiny, don’t believe you will need luck!… 🙂 do not fear, one day the pain will become a pleasant memory, your husband will always be with you, trust me on this one… 🙂

    Do not stand at my grave and weep
    I am not there, I do not sleep
    I am a thousand winds that blow
    I am the diamonds glints in the snow
    I am the sunlight on ripened grain
    I am the gentle autumn rain
    When you awaking in the morning hush
    I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight
    I am the soft star that shines at night
    Do not stand by my grave and cry
    I am not there, I did not die
    (Mary Elizabeth Frye)

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Good luck, my friend. Based on what you wrote in your post, it seems you have strong spiritual energy behind your will to move on. For what it’s worth, I also wrote a book about a chapter in my life (growing older) and felt that book needed to be out in the world (called, “Over the Hill on the Yellow Brick Road,” which emerged from my blog). I’m still in the middle of my journey, but putting the book in the world somehow put a kind of emotional stamp on my experience. I understand your feelings.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Yes, please, write the book, it’s yours but it’s also yours (you and you husband). If you notice that writing doesn’t help you, you can stop, but what you lived together is something real, something that happened, is something of you. It worth writing 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Best wishes on finishing your book.

    I too wrote a book about a decade ago, revised it several years back to bring it up to date, and it still sits there unread anyone but a select few.

    Finishing chapters in our lives is important. I don’t think your husband would want you to make his loss the focus of your life. Even though my wife and I have one of the best marriages I can imagine, I wouldn’t want her to stall out with her life if I were to not be there for some reason. And if she was taken away, I can’t see any value in holding on to the past. I’d have to move on, no matter how painful that would be, and it would probably be severe.

    Your decision to write the next chapter is healthy. I encourage you to move into it. As for me and my book, your simple post above has helped me to know what I should do with it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow, thank you so much. I really appreciate your perspective. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband would be appalled at the fact that I’m still so sad. He would want me to do whatever it took to be happy. I think I needed to be reminded of that so, thank you.
      I would love to hear what you have decided about your book at some point.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad the comment hit a right note.

        …as for the book. It was written as a true story (which it is btw), but it is just too deep for most to grasp. I’m thinking about rewriting it in more of a fictional way so that I can explore the concepts without having to go so deep into theology. It’s there, because it is so different from most people’s understanding, that it’s hard to grasp. Without the theological overtones, the thoughts and plot twists could come out, without people having to learn a whole new way of looking at their beliefs.

        Liked by 2 people

  7. Hey Joni: As you go forward in your life, it by no measure means you are forgetting your husband, and the many memories you built during the years you had together.
    Actually, this is GodyTestimony in the lives of two people you will be writing. You have the opportunity to share God’s faithfulness, during good times and through the difficulties and challenges that each life, and each couple have.
    You will reach, encourage, and bless many who will relate to early struggles, as well as perhaps a select few who feel they are so deep in the pit, nothing or no one can help or make a difference, until they read of our God and His wonders to perform.
    Holy Spirit has prepared you for this time of writing, as well as Him guiding you through each stage of the book, and the timing.
    And the most interesting and exciting—-Holy Spirit already knows who will read your book, and He is preparing each person’s heart, mind and spirit for a specific day in the future when the book will be available for them.

    God’s Blessings as you move forward Joni. Keep listening for the Whisper of Holy Spirit as He inspires you. When all is complete, readers will be blessed and helped, you will be blessed and filled with Joy due to your obedience to God’s nudge, and hearing responses. Most of all, God will receive Glory through His Testimony of working in the lives of you and your husband, as you grew closer to Jesus Christ, and closer together.

    God Bless.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Wish you very good luck for the next delightful journey of your life ! I’ll be waiting for your upcoming Affable and Thoughtful book. And in the last of the book don’t forget to share your experience while taking a trip down to the memory lane. Happy Journey ! ☺

    Liked by 2 people

  9. You’ve got this! You’ve got the Lord on your side, (and your blogging friends) so you’ve got plenty of support. Congrats on the book, by the way, I’m sure it’ll be a wonderful read.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Girl first let me say I’m
    So proud of you. I know for sure now we are twinkies in so many ways. I too have been writing for years and have had the same desire to write a book since Dennis passing. The feelings you have described are so real and YES there are days I feel plagued by moving on. That sounds so heartless right. Where is Happy in the subliminal
    Space of emptiness . I have notebooks and notebooks full
    Of writings and like yourself much goes back much further than his death. I encourage you to get that pen and paper out. Begin tonwrite your little heart out. Put me down for the first copy. Love you much.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. All the luck !! I’m happy you will finish your book but I agree with others it doesn’t mean letting go of him just being able to move forward with your kids and I believe he would want this for you . Hugs my friend you are strong remember that💕

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Joni, I am so glad to have come across you blog. After reading this entry, I was touched by your willingness to share and how their were so many beautiful comments of those who responded. I wish you a wonderful future and look forward to reading more from you. Sometimes when we write and share our journey we touch the lives of many without even knowing it. Let me thank you again for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s so kind of you to say. All of those lovely comments are from wonderful people I have been blessed to connect with here. Thank you.


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