It’s Okay Today

The moment I opened my eyes this morning I knew that it would be one of those days. It’s a grief day. Sounds silly but I don’t know what else to call it. Grief can be tricky and sneaky. Although it’s something that stays with you, it still can come in deeper form; like a wave to crash over you, at anytime, without notice. That’s how I feel today. Like I was hit by a ton of bricks, each of them carrying it’s own feeling. A lot of times, when these days come, I do my best to just carry on as usual. Other times, I couldn’t if I wanted to. Today is the latter. I’m just sad and I miss my person. I’m going to just let that be okay today.

Published by Joni Roberts

Gotta love the 'About Me' sections of everything. I feel like I'm either in a one sided interview or trying to create a dating profile. "I like starry nights and long walks on the beach" Ha! All jokes aside, it is necessary to share your story. Especially in a place like this where you hope to reach people through your struggles. So here goes everything... Hi everyone 👋🏼 Grief is a journey, an ever changing and painful process. It can isolate you and make you feel more lonely than one could ever imagine. That is why I write and share my story. We need support. We need people that "get it." We need each other. I was married to the love of my life, just shy of 13 years. We went to school together, known him since elementary. He was my "boyfriend" in 5th grade. I even wrote "Joni Roberts" in my notebooks and cheered for him when he played basketball at recess 😂 We came back together when we went to the prom, as friends, our senior year in high school. That was in 1997. We started dating seriously in the summer of 1998. He asked me to be his wife in February of 1999. We said "I do" on October 2nd of the same year. We had our first child in October of 2000, our son. We had our daughter, 22 months later in August of 2002. In the time we were married, we went through more than most could go through in a lifetime. We never gave up on each other. In June of 2012, he and I were in a horrible car accident that claimed his life. In an instant, my entire world was shattered, leaving me a grieving single mother of two grieving children who are now teenagers. I'm walking day by day through life without the one that would be with me forever. I would have never imagined that this is where I would be in my life at 41 years old. But, I am doing everything I can to be strong and to take this grief and use it to fuel the purpose for the rest of my days here on earth. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME. Today: I am in the waiting room for my first neurologist appointment. It is in the same office as my surgeon from the accident. I'm sitting here remembering myself horribly hurt and in a wheelchair and I'm overwhelmed with feelings but mostly reflecting on how far I've come. I love and miss my best friend every single day. I'm positive that won't change until we are together again. I am choosing to try and live my life in a way that would honor him and make him proud. Living With Purpose.

39 thoughts on “It’s Okay Today

  1. Those days happen to those of us who have lost their person- and happen almost unannounced. I had a day like that, recently. The wave comes in and recedes. You are making the right choice, to press on. ❤

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Today when these days hit me, I try not to resist and I pour myself at the feet of the Lord Jesus.
    I kneel and pray, and dismantle myself like clay in the water until I feel able to rise and continue.
    Indeed, we have no ability to deal with our evils and weaknesses, and if we are strong and have faith, we know that the place of support, refuge, and comfort and that reassures us is the LORD.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I am so sorry, but you are so right, those days will come. I believe too that there are times you have to just go on but also times where you just gotta let yourself grieve. Take time for yourself. If you can and the weather is nice, perhaps go outside. I have found nature to be such a great therapist. Prayers!

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Joni: When you are wakened by a “special day” feeling, go with it, resting in our Heavenly Father. Don’t be embarrassed by it, don’t feel bad about it. Rest in special memory moments.
    Our Lord Jesus went off by Himself often to spend time with His Father. We are not always told His reasons, but since He did, there is nothing wrong with us having a Special ABBA FATHER time.
    God Bless.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Take all these days one at at a time. You are handling them which is great news. Grief is as you have stated is always there. smile about the good times which Your Love Story had thousands. Kick back and enjoy the past as it should be today. God bless you Joni !

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You two look wonderful together. I just pray that his memories give you strength. It must be tough, something which can never be explained in words but you will sail through. I am sure tomorrow would be better. Sending you love. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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